ENTERTAINING MYSELF!!!

This will probably NOT be what some may think it is so, with that:

Yes, when I have one of “those days” it is extremely Hard to keep my mind from floating.

 

What started off as a depressing and sluggish morning, suddenly became the “Me Show”!  I long to make it fun! Be it joking, singing or outright imagery of the most hilarious things, I can come up with very “interesting things to entertain myself. At times it is the sheer fun of a quick-witted, thought-provoking joke that does the trick. Other times, I like to create dance scenarios that I might “act out”, IF I were a good dancer! (Yep, this mixed race girl has limited moves!!  The best stress busting, mood lifting and kick “worries to the curb” maneuvers that I like to use are, a little slapstick comedy that may involve the family. Random jokes about family quirks, (my youngest nieces croquet “get-ups” at family games, my sister’s inability to control her sweets intake, even my stubborn resistance to do things THEIR way {Yes, I can be stubborn unless “Properly Motivated”}); usually results in Great Family Fun Time! 

I still find that making my own Fun is more tantalizing! The things I can come up with on a daily basis to fill my down-time. Heck, to even fill the boring time I have when redundant drawing is happening and the math part is so repetitious!

Music is that jumpstart medium…

I sing, record, practice, sing some more, envision and push the envelope in this department!  My sarcastic side steps in like a lion. Today’s inspiration, which also provoked random tweets, was Christina Aguilera. I like her style and we have the same range. Her latest cd was a very slow seller. It had such low feedback and concert ticket sales that dates had to be cancelled. Thanks to a tweeple I have a Serious “similarity” with, (quirky only, she’s a really, really, really Super Celeb Type!), I was turned onto (No Pun Intended) XTina’s latest.  BOY, could I have missed out on a “GEM”!  How could THIS type of music have trouble selling in our day and time?! There are all kinds of flavors of wrong I can have with this cd… and HAVE!

– give me a moment please, I need to bring it back down a notch…, Thank You –

When I write lyrics, I truly try to make one think. Total immersion is required to get the feel and intent of the words. You may not get it at first but, a little something may trickle in later. That is the beauty of Good Lyricism!  This XTina Bionic cd; well, it puts it right out there in the front. Not a verse is left to the imagination! The beats and rhythms make it all the more fun to dance, run or just shake your shoulders too.  While running today, I blatantly sinned. Yes! I admit it. I listened to “Woohoo”.  I Woohoo’d!!!  Hey, I ran faster AND further!! What can I say? It works for me! I won’t even discuss “Desnudate”! Let’s just say… it’s ultra enticing and… well…, I’m celibate… so; we’ll just leave it at that!

By the time I got to the end of the song entitled “Prima Donna”; a thorough mind, body and soul workout had been achieved.  Collective breathing then ensued! I have this wicked funny laugh. (I’m told…, I’ll record it and add a sound bite one day and you can be the judge.) I could just hear myself through the ear plugs by the end of this song. I still have the image in my head of the dancing I was doing as I headed back up the hill to my street. Yes, I’m laughing now! I even have an entourage in some of these daydreams. Like I said entertaining me! These songs and imagery is all that I am not but, can use to inspire. I could never think of such songs and would have serious trouble singing them to a large audience. I can However, use them as tools. Objects to please and tease the senses.  No, I’m not a saint. Yes, I am modest when it comes to things like femininity, mutual respect and Godliness. Some things we reserve for that special someone in our lives. I find that too many are willing to throw that away as a result of some of the music we hear in our society today. In addition, I think that God gives us little things to have fun with… (Like these songs), within reason so that WE can Entertain Ourselves!

Therefore, I Woohoo’d… without giving away my “Woohoo”! (Wink, Wink)

I had to hit the SKIP button when “S4B” came up! Sighhhhhhh  A touch TMI for my taste in music. I abbreviated it in my tweet this way but, here you are just in case you can’t figure it out. Wait, you should not be reading this if you can’t figure it out! Just my opinion. Alright, for those who can’t get a hand on the cd… Sex For Breakfast. SEE!

In closing, in the future I will have to be more careful. My dear mother and her friend walked in from the gym while I was doing my cool down stretches.  Did not hear as I was listening to the Ipod still. At least the song playing was “I AM” which is much Tamer.  I’m supposed to be on hiatus in the singing arena for a while as I transition my lifestyle down here in the south. A few people have “other” plans but, I am not having it. Foot down and firmly planted! I’m simply not ready to work with my music on that level again just yet! Lord, am I counting the days… 33 left!

This is a GOOD THING, as I fear the Texans are slowly driving me Whacky while working down here. Thank God I can work from anywhere in the world! Have not been home in some time!! California here I come!!!

(The song “You Lost Me” is the one that was referred to me to listen to on the CD. All the other torturous and beautiful stuff I found on my own thanks to the Naughty Me!)
Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

COUNTING THE DAYS…, UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT AND NEED!!!!!!!

“I don’t wanna be a prisoner”… the song goes!   “Nor do I”, my mind goes!

“37”

Trying to get that number down. Counting the days until I’m Free Again!! Never take life for granted. Sacrifice EVERYTHING you can that can’t harm you (mentally, physically or spiritually) to achieve your Joy and KEEP It! I am willing to do the almost unthinkable to get there. Reeling it in at times yet; casting the line back just as feverishly. Utopia is what I have in mind! Indisputable restlessness with conviction to a “Cause”.

I don’t really know or care about this thing called “Purpose” anymore! I can only go where the spirit leads me. I will do what the spirit tells me. We will walk hand in hand with my sacrifice, research, wisdom and God’s direction to Grasp what is centered deep in my soul!

For Far To long I have done exactly what everyone else wants and Not What I NEED! No More relegating the “matters of my heart” to someone else; be it family or friend. The cares of what they may think or feel and carrying out tasks where I “play” to their standards have to cease. I have to Live with Me! The individual inside myself can no longer take it; PERIOD. Yes, “she” is coming more to the Surface! I’ll have none of the “because” we think so. Over are the days of “moments” past that I did not control, on my own, with ALL of my Might: “Life’s Situations”. If it makes ME happy without TRULY Hurting others in an intentional and vicious way; I have the Right.  It does not matter what others think, for it is THEIR Opinion.

My time is coming! My Life is Mine!! I Will Make It My REALITY!!!

Post Statement:

At times, family and/or friends can put hurtful strains on our lives. My latest assumption seems to be, because they are special to us (and they know it) they feel as though it is acceptable to not only voice their opinions but; to make you feel bad or at least second guess your feelings about a situation.

When we are proactive in taking a big step towards being independent, self-sufficient, a dreamer/dreamaker/dreambeliever…, etc., going against the grade can sometimes bring out the worst in people. We have to learn from our own mistakes. We NEED to live our lives. We only have this ONE!

Regret! That is a word that literally “scares” me!! I don’t like the meaning, feeling or consequences of it!!! I’m proud of that fact. Admittance to it encourages me. Dealing with it Give Me The Victory! I’m a stronger person for recognizing the realms of pitfalls like regret! In this life, I plan to do all that I can to make it Beautiful even when things are not so Grand. “Life is Beautiful” – Roberto Benigni (A Very Beautiful and “LIFE” Giving Movie)

It’s going to feel So Good to start living this way…, again! I had it years ago in my twenties. Loved it. Cherished it. Let it go. Never Again! Revelations are at least ONE GOOD THING about getting older!

This update was LIBERATING!!! (insert big smile here)

THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER!!! MY FIRST DAY HAS COME AND GONE… IT FEELS SO GOOD TO DO IT “MY WAY” ONCE AGAIN!!!

I added a piece of furniture design to my bedroom here at the house. My plan, my layout, my money and my decision. I prioritized my work schedule. I said “NO” to those who only wanted to use me for their selfish means. I kept firm in my beliefs that: we are free to live how we want, not to someone elses level or standard of living. I plan to go on a date with men that “I Choose” and not who makes someone else (family or friends) happy or comfortable. I will work further on my designs and add to my song catalog and do more freelance singing.

The earth is still turning! I’m still Alive!! Heck, the Yankees Loss in a terrible playoff game and still the world’s problems are unsolved. Therefore, I will continue to retain my happiness by taking part in more items in my life and taking each day as it comes and living it a little at the time. I’m liking this living on my terms thing all over again. Brings back fond memories of camping on beaches, meeting strangers and just talking like there is No Tomorrow! The “Beauty in Life”… people, this is what it is all about! We could be gone in our sleep and never take that trip or enJoy the perfect afternoon drive, movie, game, concert, meal, drink or romantic sunset. All the money and correctness; will be here when we have left this earth!

I’ve stopped the methodic planning and obsessive, perfected obedience. I’m Living!!!

Posted in Personal Reflections, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

We Leave Everytime!

 

(Thoughts Evoked by the Hurricane Katrina experience.)

Oh what a beautiful week it was leading up to the “storm”. The weather was magnanimously Gorgeous. Extremely low humidity and only slightly warm! Life for me was an all-time HIGH!  The business was good. My music career, moving along! Packed items were in the attic and guest/office room for my move back to California.

Mom’s home was perfectly renovated and the new kitchen items were going to be installed after I had left so, my moving was timed great! I could feel the urgency after a slow, barely attended rehearsal on Thursday and a performance to honor the great Fats Domino who lived in my neighborhood.  Friday’s formal dance was well attended as we all felt as if we may not see each other for some time. Weeks we all thought. Who could have imagined!

I packed all the things I could think of on Saturday after returning from my last event and the “gas up”. People were uneasy! Many did not know what to do. My personal secretary told me she could not leave as her bull mastiff (dog) would not be able to be taken to a hotel or the Superdome.  She had an SUV.  I told her to take her husband, the dog and get the hell out!! Her dog died in her duplex and they ended up at the dome.  As for my pooch and suv; we always leave!

Mom and I had a best girlfriend and she had a daughter my age. Her husband sang in the choir with me at church. I told her the same. Her husband, one son, daughter and she stayed home. All three of their vehicles so far under water eventually they could not see the tops. She had TWO vans. she called me as the water began to rush in as she tried to close the front door. They eventually went upstairs to keep dry in her son’s apartment above the garage. The horror of the noise in the background as things in the house fell apart and wind banged on her shutters was enough to keep me awake all through the storm. We checked in every 30 minutes so as to not run down cell batteries on her end. No time to collect those chargers in the rushing water. We said goodbye each time we hung up as if it would be our last.  She is an artist and my muse when I get lost. What would I do without her and her supportive daughter?  They waded out of the house on the third day and hitched a ride with a friend who had a car. The four of them PLUS the girl, her daughter and Mother who was WEEKS out from having transplant surgery would eventually pile into the little subcompact and leave the city. The mother was also rationing her drugs for days before they drove out a week later. My friend and family slept on her porch until they did.  She told me she really wished she had listen to me. With Three Drivers in the family and three vehicles; the amount of people and memories she could have saved is heartbreaking! For we should ALL Leave!

I kept hoping that it would take a turn for our better, slowly get smaller; it was not going to happen! I had just come back from San Antonio to celebrate the Spurs Championship and did NOT want to travel again. Travel was the only option because, we always Leave!!

My oldest brother is a Louisiana State Trooper and calls me to give me the inside scoop on when traffic is best to keep the drive less tedious. That Sunday Morning, I dreaded picking up the phone! He simply stated “It’s Time”!  I sighed as I usually did and woke up the house. There would be Mom, my little pooch Heather, my mom’s sister Gloria and my younger brother’s ex. Yes, I took his ex-wife with us to Texas this trip. My brother is remarried and running himself from his newly built home in Gautier, Mississippi. Her three sisters and brother were going to leave her in her house to fend for herself along with the fact that she has MS (multiple sclerosis) and could not swim.  Even though we were no longer a part of her life for the most part; I could not leave her behind.

Everyone was allowed one suitcase and an overnight bag. As many photo albums as you like or any other memories you could squeeze in as we packed the night before. That morning as we drove out of the driveway I jumped out to key lock the front walk and driveway estate gates as to try to keep out or not make so “easy” the obvious looters that will appear before we return.  (Our water line was eleven feet and our driveway elevated to three feet only…, there would be little to nothing left to loot!) While doing so I saw several groups of children playing and riding bicycles. I asked them when would their family be leaving? They simply said we aren’t going anywhere. Or, “we have boats and supplies”. “We are going to protect our and the neighborhood’s properties.”  As I drove away I saw many doing just that. Lingering! There were so many bodies found around my block that they were still pulling them out months later as the cleaning crew we hired were removing and gutting our home. Every year I think of one man and his sister who were both disabled.  They had a home a few blocks from us that they inherited from their parents. What disability and retirement did not pay for; they knew that they only had to come to our gate or ring the bell and I would see to it that we, our friends, or the church would take care of it.  To this day, I do not know what happened to them. I did not see them home that day as I passed their corner. I can only hope and pray that they chose To Leave! I would have GLADLY shoved Heather into my or my mom’s lap for the nine-hour drive, as we have great connections and they would have had all that they needed to survive.

My oldest brother was the last person I saw that morning as we sat in light traffic on the I-10. He always directs traffic as a corner below in the city of Metaire by the airport. I beep my horn. He waves. I wave. After the work is done, he and his wife and their kids and spouses All Leave.

I took my friend’s calls in private so as to not worry my mom all through the ordeal. My sister awakened my mother that Sunday to let her know that everything is gone. My oldest brother sent a video tape weeks later as he and his son were one of the first let into our area.  She laid there quietly and wept as I imagined she did those 38 years ago when hurricane Betsy took her first home.  Dad refused to leave that time. I was not born until the next year or so but, my sister and brother reminds me of the Coast Guard’s rescue every once in a while.  I played my stubborn dad’s role once. ONCE! My next paragraph explains why I only did it once and why we ALWAYS LEAVE!

This storm a year before Katrina was a Cat 2 and a joke. My sister made sure that I would fly or drive in to take care of mom and I did. We did the usual. We tied down lawn furniture and put away delicate breakable objects in the attics and utility sheds. We stocked up on water, canned goods and put emergency items near the escape areas in case of rising water. (This includes an escape hatch so as to not become stuck in a hot, oxygen deprived attic.)  It came. I watched as our tall pine tree’s tip bent over and almost touched the ground.  Shocked at the force, all I could do is listen to the radio (as cable was out) and wait for it to end. The “eye” of the storm passed over and the most beautiful blue sky showed itself. Mom being “mom” sent me out to secure a piece of gardening items that were loose. I figured at this point okay…, not so bad.  Wrong Again.  I watched as a few drops of rain started again. Time to head inside. To my amazement, it was raining horizontally and the sting was almost unbearable. I thought to myself. Are you Kidding Me?!  My brother always told me that “the backside of the storm is always the worse! Mom mother ended up in a closet. I stayed lying on a sofa to keep up with imminent danger. Finally, it was over. We had trees all over the driveway, streets and lawns.  We went a week in humidity, high temps, no power and misery. The prima donna in me started to come out by day three as I sit in a lawn chair outside because the house is too hot. Still no stores. No phones. I felt TOTALLY detached from the rest of the world. My cellphone and sun tanning kept me sane. THIS is WHY… WE ALWAYS LEAVE!

My mom now has a new smaller retirement home in San Antonio out in the countryside suburb. It is close to my sister’s ranch and the grand kids.  When I am working or playing, which I tend to do often, she is close to family.  She is safe from hurricanes. I am free from the “flee” of evacuation.

At times, being away from friends, career and losing my french château that I grew up in and was mine hurts deeply. I went from second home to “homeless” in an instant! I looked forward to my permanent move back to Los Angeles. All those items were lost.  My company barely survived. Also, I miss the singing side career and struggle at times to find the motivation to do it fully again. I’m working on that!  I miss not having every photo album, painting, sports card collection, couture clothing and such. Some of that can be replaced. All those lives lost! THAT can’t be replaced!! All the friendships severed or strained; weighs on me heavily at times. Sure, I’ve made new ones. Yes, I will start spending more time in places other than Texas but, I am now bound to visit a little more these days.  When I work from New Orleans, I live with my Dad and Step-Mom. I can hardly even drive down the street of my old home.  It has been given to a distant family member who has no home and they will remodel it.  We were blessed as I handled most of my moms insurance and she has an investment representative and retirement accounts.  We had interior and exterior wind, flood and contents coverage. The insurance companies tried to nickel and dime us as they did many others but, thanks to those pictures and J.P. Morgan Chase Bank; we prevailed!

I have one MAJOR heart wrenching loss that is very hard for me. The fact that I no longer have a baby picture is Brutal! My dad says he will look through his photo albums that he was given from his mom. There is still Hope! When I speak of travel, high school, college or the marine corp; it is slightly weird when I want to reach for an album or trinket. I’ll think about music or sports and say “oh, I have that”…, then think and say “uhmmm, no I don’t”! (Adding at times: “That “B” Katrina took it!!!) Laughter has made a great deal of it more bearable!

Our family was blessed in many ways as we had a family ranch to run to.  My sister’s formal living was home to family and distant relatives and many others did the same. It made for Great Family dinners. Large!! We took turns cooking, cleaning and giving each other Space.  I went to work at a local college where my sister was the Dean. When I had more, I gladly shared with others. I volunteer as often as I can when disaster strikes! I know first hand all about the suffering and decisions!! I try to NEVER leave my fate totally in the hands of other entities. I believe in doing as much for myself as I physically and mentally can. That is why everyone should be preemptive…

AND Thank God…,

We Leave Everytime!!!

(This is my brief summation. There are many more details and situations that affected our lives. Feel free to comment or even ask a question and I will do my best to reply.)

Posted in Personal Reflections, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Stalking Not Allowed!

It is all too familiar for me, the stalking “game”. For as Long as I can remember, I’ve kept at least two of mine in the back of my mind through the years. One I know is no longer a threat, for his family sent him out of the country to start over with family. They even went as far as to assure me that it was over and they would see to it. The other I have no idea what he was thinking or where he is today. This picture is one that he took of me without my knowledge.

They seem to think that it is okay whether delusional or plain mentally ill. Most make a very big mistake when it comes to someone stalking your very existence. That mistake is why I wanted to write this. I don’t want anyone to keep making this mistake!

The mistake is NOT being Proactive! In other words, nipping it in the rear. Idol threats to report, ignoring and hoping it will go away or not following up on what you can do to help keep the distance are all ways to Fail!  The sooner you get your message across, the better.  Involving the authorities is a must; even if only to get your position on record.  Two words: Restraining Order!! Keep ANY pieces of evidence that you can. Again, I reiterate for you to express your displeasure at his or her actions! Letting them know you are not “playing their game” will sometimes make them go away. Don’t allow them to take over YOUR LIFE!!!

My first experience with such horror was as a ten-year old little girl. I never knew this man was watching me and my cousins as we walked to and from the park and corner store.  I lived in a quiet suburb. Everyone knew everybody. It was upper middle class yet, the neighborhood was mixed in many ways. 

We were thick as thieves, my two female cousins and I. We had one fatal flaw. That was quickly remedied by our parents after that day. On our way home, the man grabbed me by my hand and I struggled to break free-falling to the ground. I yelled out to them which made him flee. They were at least half a block ahead of me. Groups! I can’t say enough about traveling in groups.  To this day, my girlfriends and I have a plan of never leaving anyone out on their own. The rest of my childhood we never came home without the other one. Always in close proximity!

There is nothing wrong with having fun! Just be Cautious! If in doubt, take an alternate route!

A little old lady also saw what happened that day and said that she and a few other neighbors were suspicious of him as he often watched us and other kids walking to and from the park. They helped to catch the guy that day. Being a little “nosy” paid off!

I ended up only having a few scratches that day.  The next ones were a little easier due to my early experience yet, just as alarming.  I knew what the warning signs were and ways to bring it to a halt. I was tracked to my home, tracked to my job, tracked ON THE JOB and cut all three down in their track. All handled with peaceful resolutions and involving the police only once.

I don’t have to live in fear and nor do You! 

I sincerely understand that not everyone is equally sure of or bold about their defensive nature.  It does take guts to stand up to bullying, stalking and harassment.  The best thing I can add to that is:

Get busy with finding the Guts!

They aren’t putting your needs at the forefront. Remember, this is Your Life. Take Charge!

Posted in Personal Reflections, Uncategorized | Tagged , | 1 Comment

The Torture I endure for the Yankees!!!

Thank God,

I’m not an alcoholic, promiscuous or suicidal! When the Yankees are losing, I can REALLLLLLLY get depressed!! WTH! I think I need something to do. Time to go and work on some music or something!!

Sighhhhhhh

Posted in Sports, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Saints Game in a Superbowl Year!!!

View from the renovated Club Level

I grew up with the Saints. That is about all that I can say about those years other than the usual, “we wore a bag over our heads” or we called them the “Aints”!  I was and still am a loyal Steelers & Phins fan!! I do however appreciate and love many players from my childhood in New Orleans. They were cool! Had to put up with a ton of disdain for the lack of performance!  I had the chance to meet many of them over the years.  I even had the same orthopedic when I dislocated my knee as a child.  Loved bragging to the kids at school about that one!

I was very pleased with the renovations to the club and the new outlook the team has on sports and the community it serves.  I will always love them on a special level deep within my heart! When in town, I also plan to go to more games when I have time. Congrats on your Superbowl Win!!!

Posted in Sports, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wacky Monday!

Murphy’s Law in not the description for me. I am sure that I am way far beyond his rules.

Today was remarkably unusual.  When I thought the air conditioner could not possibly have another part to wear out or cause trouble, the plug to the air handler literally falls out of the wall!  The “Money Pit”, as I often refer to it, NEVER ceases to amaze me.  I’ve handled many home remodels. This one is my mom’s second retirement home and my first in Texas. Ahhhhhhh, Texas! As it rolls across my keyboard I gag… slightly!! But, that is entirely another story for another day.

We get a new thermostat in the a.m.  We also get the same old “Crappy” performance. SO, we check the closet and low and behold, the Plug Is Black! It has been sparking and going on and off over the past two years or so. We’ve only been in this house for four.  This is my first experience with track (non-custom) homes and sub-standard construction in this town.  It has been a rude awakening!!

As I sweat it out during my Yankees game, the repairman for the home warranty has come to fix it as Honeywell is done with the thermostat and long gone.  After a trip to the Depot, it too is fixed.  It is now 5:30 p.m.  I am STILL in my pjs!  I have not even check my email. Good thing I’m on vacation for a while.

Then the call!  It seems the plans I eplotted and emailed for a job two weeks ago has the wrong title and is confusing the shop and clients. WAIT, that is automatic as the start of a job!  I check it as I shoot the breeze with my client and realize…, NO! He’s Right!! Not ME!!! I don’t make these kinds of “easy” mistakes!!!!

Oh yeah you do M! Get over yourself!  It’s Murphy’s Law to the hilt!! Actually, I think it should be renamed Meronique’s Law! Good, Bad or Ugly if it can happen, well you know the rest.  The day is over things can only get better! (Hey, that’s an 80s song) Sorry, focus M, FOCUS!!

Settled into my evening now and snacks, fruit, coffee, etc. are just not getting it. A little smoked salmon and brown rice with tomatoes are in order! (Insert smilie face!) A nice way to end this Wacky Monday!!!  Uhmmm, you guessed it. Not Quite Yet!  Anyone for Overdone Fish?! Sighhh

Thank God I only get these crazy a** days once in a Blue Moon! …what color was the moon today?!

WELCOME TUESDAY!!!

Posted in Personal Reflections, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

707 What the hell?!

I awakened this morning at 7:07 a.m. which is HIGHLY unusual for me! I tried to figure out why.  As my day went on. I thought about the airplane 707 and then 727, 747 and 767.  Non-stop, no pun intended, I kept dwelling on what it all meant. I had also had a wonderful morning dream with a great riff and vocal that I knew I needed to put into my memory.

Drifting in and out of light sleep for a while. I lost it! (sad face) I did however turn on the tele to discover the morning news talking about the movie Inception and how we can manipulate dreams.  Now, I’m REALLY taking note! I went on about this day with my fave sports team the Yankees getting a turn around win and a career 600 home run hit for Alex Rodriguez. I missed it as I arrived back from my run at 1:07 p.m.

So far this has been a Great day!!!

Coincidence?! Karma?! Sixth Sense?! Who knows! I am however, looking energetically to 7:07 p.m. What perhaps could it that hold?! Hmmm…

Posted in Personal Reflections, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Hello world!

I’m an ever-changing “Free Spirit”!  I’ve been working on my latest art and music. I may be simple at times or I may be exciting to no end!! I Hope my blog enlightens your world as much as my “Gift” of a Soul has given My Life such True JOY!!!

M

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment